Bram Stoker's classic novel Dracula was published in 1897, thus beginning our love affair with literary, and eventually cinematic, vampires. It's a good thing Bram's book was the first of its kind published because his vision of undead bloodsuckers was much, much different than today's modern demons.
In fact, if Bram Stoker tried to submit the original Dracula manuscript for publication today, I fear the following would be his editor's response:
July 15, 2014
Dear Mr. Stoker,
Thank you for submitting your work to my office. When
I saw the subject, I couldn’t wait to dig into your novel as there is nothing I
enjoy more than a good vampire story. Plus, they tend to lend themselves to so
many great marketing tie-ins and additional media deals.
As I began your narrative, however, I
was struck by the darkness and gloom oozing from each page. I suppose you were
trying to do something different with your tale, but I’m afraid it just doesn’t
work. Your Dracula is far too serious and depressing to be a credible leading vampire.
Perhaps with some additional research, you would have realized all vampires are
very wealthy, live in elaborately decorated homes, and have no problem finding
first class transportation. However, your vampire makes do in a dilapidated
castle and travels by sneaking aboard a run-down Russian freight boat.
more horrifying is you have him sleep in the dirt. The dirt! The constant layer of dirt and grime that must
coat his skin due to this unsanitary sleeping habit prevents Dracula from
sparkling in the sunlight. You are missing a wonderful opportunity by not
having at least one sunburst available to this poor man while his pores are
dirt-free. Let him show his softer, more dazzling side! Sun-induced-glitterskin
is one of the most sought features of any vampire, and is a can’t-miss element
of character development in this genre.
|(Don't ever leave out the glitterskin. Ever.)|
I was particularly disappointed you took the liberty
of making Dracula such a hideously ugly character. Everyone knows, at least I
thought everyone knew, all vampires are beautiful. There is no such thing as a homely
vamp, and I just don’t see Dracula with his pointed ears and beady-fire eyes as
remotely believable. Also, you’ve made him an older gentleman. I’m guessing he
was in at least his late 50’s or early 60’s when he was turned, which again,
goes against the vampire code. Vampires are made at the height of their
attractiveness and sexual prowess, and trust me when I say to you, Mr. Stoker,
a man that age is at neither. Perhaps this lack of virility is why it takes so
long for Dracula to turn his victims into vampires. He has to bite them repeatedly
in order to get any sort of supernatural action, whereas leading vampires who
are much younger and potent are able to turn a victim immediately, and often
have multiple victims in one night.
|(Poor 'ol Stoker's Ugly Vamp)|
Because of these fatal roadblocks with the main
character, I am afraid we cannot extend an offer to work with you at this time.
If you are willing to rework your piece—freshen up Dracula, turn him into a
sexier, eastern European bad boy (I’m thinking a cross between Colin Ferrell
and Liam Neeson)—I would gladly take a second look. Another suggestion is
completely changing the location of the story. Transylvania, and Europe in
general, is very 1992 for this genre. I would suggest setting the story in the
American South. In fact, there is a Transylvania University in Lexington, KY. A
fraternity vampire named “Drac” (now I’m thinking of a cross between Colin
Ferrell and Zac Efron) attending Transy is a much better choice than an ugly,
old man with bad ears who lives in a castle.
|(What true vampires look like.)|
Oh, and you also may want to consider adding the
additional element of either a fairy or a werewolf. Readers today love fairies
|(Gratuitous picture of Alexander) |
Laughing so hard I almost swallowed my plastic fangs.ReplyDelete
I hope you hang on to them! Maybe you should dip them in some glitter?Delete
Well done and spot on! On a dare from my literary agent, I wrote a teenage vampire novel. The vampire was a sexy, young angst-ridden cowboy. Thinking about casting possibilities now...ReplyDelete
I can't wait to read it! I am a huge fan and love all your books, and a sexy, angst-ridden cowboy vampire sounds right up my alley!Delete
Well, since you asked: www.GloryLegend.com - The first two books of the trilogy have been released. Working on the final installment now. (When visiting link, scroll down and see character photo of sexy cowboy vampire.) Began this series while working on my Red Hot novels, so even though this is geared to a YA audience, there is a huge crossover in themes. You might really enjoy it!Delete