This year, Andy and I found ourselves in much need of a break from traditional Christmas activities and the routines of our daily lives, and decided to be radical and take our own Christmas vacation. We shopped early for gifts for the family, delivered them, and then hit the road for a two-week (at least) trip. As a result, I almost forgot to post my most inappropriate gifts of the year list. In my defense, with a view like this, it is hard to think about anything else.
|Balcony View - NOT dreaming of a white Christmas.|
So, without further adieu, if you are looking for that last minute gift to make your holiday extra
|Baby got Back.|
This item is for the dog lover on your list. Last year's Inappropriate List (click to see it)
included a similar item for humans, but in just a few short months, technology advanced, a belt was added, a hole for the tail was cut, and BAM, a doggie fart-filter was born.
This strip, called the "Dogone," is an activated charcoal cloth that filters out foul-smelling dog farts, because nothing is more annoying than a smelly dog fart. The advertisement even touts that the thong is easily removed when it comes time for Rover to do more than just break wind.
The problem I see here is if Rover is like either of my dogs, he doesn't stand up, excuse himself from the conversation, and quietly go relieve himself. My two can be jumping, running and playing one second and the very next be humped over expelling whatever they have eaten in the past day or so: dog food, sticks, socks. There is no time to use the "fast release" thong remover. Thankfully, the Dogone is completely washable and reusable.
3. Penis Stretcher
4.Remote Control Head Wrangler
|Apparently, it also comes in 1970's basketball player style.|
5. A Diet Book of Any Sort
6. Bikini Line Genie - Shave Your Vagina in Sixty Seconds
"Ladies, is your muff hairier than a sheepskin shagpile? Do you want to get rid of all that hairy nonsense in 60 seconds? Then say hello to the Bikini Line Genie. These disposable pads will allow you to wax or shave your Southern regions, quickly, without risk of causing those irritating cuts and scrapes."
7. Baby Arm Soap
8. Penis Shaped Toothbrush
9. Bacon Flavored Lube
I think this is definitive proof that bacon does NOT make every thing better.
This final gift is one I actually heard about from a friend. She recently hit a deer with her car--accidentally she said--and wanted to know if there was a way she could salvage the scrotum to make a purse. I made a few inquiries to friends of mine who were deer hunters or had husbands who were, and was met with terse, quick responses of "I don't know," or just, "No."
Because I'm already known as the weirdest man in my hometown, I decided to stop asking people how I could find or salvage a deer scrotum, and took my quest to the internet where I found there is quite a niche market for these sacks. However, be warned. A scrotum purse is not for every one. It may be one-of-a-kind and designer, but it's no Aigner.
So, that wraps up this year's list of High Inappropriateness. We are left with just one question:
Leave a comment if you have any more ideas or if you actually receive something that was even more inappropriate than these!