Wednesday, February 29, 2012


(NOT what Jay had in mind, I am sure)
On February first, my friend Jay McCoy posted on his Facebook wall that he was writing a haiku every day in February.  I think it was National Haiku Month or something like that, perhaps not.  I am also fairly certain that Jay invited others to do the same thing, perhaps not.  I could scroll back through his posts and see for sure, but I don't have that kind of time.  The point is that I took Jay's either encouraging lead or stole his idea completely and wrote a haiku for each day of the month.

I even got a little carried away and wrote a haiku or two for friend's birthday greetings.  I also delved into an entirely new genre, dirty haiku.  I didn't post the dirty ones, but my friend David and I have named my forthcoming book HAIKU CONFESSIONALS ON THE DANCE FLOOR.  Watch for it at your local adult bookstore soon!

Looking over the month's work, I am quite proud of myself, not necessarily because I think the work is great but because I stuck with it and completed the task.  I'd like to share the thirty poems with you.  Hopefully,  you will find some funny, some nice, some naughty, some touching, and if you find some bad, keep your mouth shut. :-)

Sunglasses block rays
Like lies covering the truth
blocking out the light.
February Two,
The day belongs to groundhogs.
Why? I have no clue.

Of all my vices,
the one I can’t do without
is my love for you

Get your game face on
It’s game day in Kentucky
Big Blue Nation, rise.


Brady and Manning.
Madonna and K. Clarkson.
Football or Gay Pride?


Fog covers the hills,
hiding the winter bleakness,
like make-up hides flaws.


Welcome to our church.
God loves you just as you are.
Unless you are gay.

To put it simply,
I'm sexy and I know it.
Now you know it, too.


I'm a ripened plum:
tempting and aromatic.
Juicy, but worth it.


St. John's Bay track suit.
If good enough for Ellen,
then I will buy two.


Big floppy brown ears,
always happy to see me.
Best spooner ever.


Outside my window
I hear him calling to me
The owl is on watch.


I'm over the top.
I am entirely too much.
I want to be more.


We're doing it wrong.
One day to celebrate love?
Should be every day.


The flames never leave
They just smolder deep inside
Waiting to be stoked.


I used to want fame,
But now I'm fine with my lot.
Unless fame calls me.


I don't hunt or fish,
I'm Blue more than Red, but I'm
still Appalachian.


Golden and silky
sweet, luscious, and addicting
Hard to watch leave me.


Whitney. Santorum.
Velveeta. Bullies. Pimples.
I blame Bobby Brown.


Snow covers the hills
transforming bleak and mundane
to otherworldly.


Fat Tuesday is here!
Celebrate while you can. For,
tomorrow, we Lent.


Starts with ten inches.
Next day, down to only four.
Online date or snow?


Sending love and grace
to the banks of Troublesome.
May peace be found there.


What a nice surprise!
Warm, breezy, face in the sun.
Cures all that ails you.


I'm eat up with charm.
I'm up for what life hands me.
Resist me? Futile.


If I had one chance.
A chance to get it all right.
I'd give it to you.


What is a haiku?
Great for those with A.D.D.
Look, something shiny!


Cornbread and soupbeans
three generations gather
Monday in Hyden


Evening comes softly
the hawk nests, the owl takes flight
we wish on a star


Leap Day. Rarity.
How will you spend your bonus?
I'm eating ice cream.
 I hope you enjoyed.  I will now try and stop counting every syllable of every word that I speak or type.  On to March!  I wonder what Jay is doing this month?

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Shame On Vanderbilt

Vanderbilt University likes to think of itself as an Ivy League school living in the South.  I have been more than happy to allow them to think that over the years.  After all, the biggest contribution the school gives to the Southeastern Conference is a boost to the overall grade point average of the conference athletes each semester.

However, when a basketball team like the #1 ranked University of Kentucky comes to town for a game, bringing with it ESPN's Game Day telecast, apparently all that book-learning they have in Nashville marches right out the door, and is replaced with emotions and fears for which the South is widely known: homophobia, ignorance, and shallowness.

Here is a picture of the shirt that the Vanderbilt fans have decided is best to wear for today's nationally televised game:

 I understand there are tons of other shirts that say lots of things about rival teams.  UK fans wear shirts stating Tennessee fans are ugly and only ugly girls go to Duke.  Taunting the enemy is part of the fun of sports.  I get it, however, calling someone ugly is an actual insult.  What is not acceptable is using the term "gay" as an insult. By using that word, you are saying that being gay is wrong and bad and shameful.  That is not right.

Vanderbilt, part of the enlightened academic elite? I hardly think so.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

What If Barbie Got Fat?

Today is a very special day!  It is the birthday of a very special person, my friend known as Marie Direction.  The Girl Named Earl, as she is sometimes called, is one of the most creative, artistic, and nurturing people I have ever met.

An example of her insane talent is her song, What if Barbie Got Fat?  The first time I heard this piece, I was hooked, and each time I have heard it since, I've found something else to love about it.  So, in honor of my friend, Miss Marie Direction, Miss Girl Named Earl, Miss Different Name Daily, I proudly give you her piece de resistance, What if Barbie Got Fat? 

A few more goodies from Marie Direction:

She is the creator and producer of the Keep Hearing Voices Radio Show on Crescent Hill Radio, and she kindly allows me to ramble on like a young Andy Rooney in my own SMCOT segment.  An archive of the show can be heard here:

Keep Hearing Voices  02.04.12 by Crescent Hill Radio

Marie Direction was also the friend kind enough to put my Lady Gaga Telephone parody to music:

And, if that wasn't enough, she was also guest blogger for Dr. Seuss post last year:

Dr. Suess Birthday Blog
Click and read!

So, on this greatest of great days, please join me in wishing Marie Direction the happiest of happy birthdays!
Love you, E!