Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Telephone Part 2

Late last summer, I amused myself by rewriting Lady Gaga's song, "Telephone," to illustrate my frustration at never having a cell phone signal when I am in my hometown of Hyden.  I would like to tell you this update is to explain that we now get kick ass service here in the Big City, but that would be a lie.  Not much has changed in a year on that front.

What has changed, however, is that I finally found a sucker, er, I mean a friend, who was willing to actually sing the song for me.  That's right, lovelies, I now have a recording of my song.  In order to for her sing it, I had to agree to throw my voice in for some speaking parts.  I actually tried to sing it, thinking I could do Beyonce's part, but she edited all that out.  I can't imagine why.

Anyway, without further ado, I give you the song, Ain't Got No Telephone.  First, the lyrics (so you can sing along), then the actual song is below.

The Lyrics

Hello, hello, baby you called? I can’t hear a thing,

I have got no service here in Hyden you see, you see,
Wha-wha-what did you say, huh? You’re breaking up on me,
Sorry, I wish I could hear you, I’m bored and lonely.

B-bored and lonely,
B-bored and lonely,
Sorry, I cannot hear you
‘Cause I am bored and lonely.

You know how addicted I am to my phone, eh?
And I cannot text or call for days and days and days,
How was I to know Hyden ain’t served by ATT,
And now I can’t call and tell anybody.

Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.
Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.

Eh, eh eh, eh, eh, eh,
Eh, eh, eh
Telephone me!

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Eh, eh, eh
I’m lonely!

Eh, eh eh, eh, eh, eh,
Eh, eh, eh
Telephone me!

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Eh, eh, eh
I’m lonely!

Call all you want, but there’s no signal,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map and I ain’t go no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

Call all you want, but there’s no signal,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map and I ain’t go no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

The way I’m blowin’ up my phone,
Won’t make no signal faster,
Won’t make no tower faster,
Won’t give me 3G faster.

I should’ve gone with Appalach Cell,
‘Cause this is a disaster,
Callin’ like a collector,
Sorry, I cannot answer.

Not that I don’t like it here, I just live in Lex-y,
And I am sick and tired of my phone not r-r-inging,
Sometimes I wish that I lived in Grand Central Station,
‘Cause I would not miss a single text or conversation.

Text or conversation,
Text or conversation,
Cause I would not miss a single
Text or conversation.

Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.
Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.

Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.
Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.

Eh, eh eh, eh, eh, eh,
Eh, eh, eh
Telephone me!

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Eh, eh, eh
I’m lonely!

(What do you mean the picture doesn't look real?!)
Eh, eh eh, eh, eh, eh,
Eh, eh, eh
Telephone me!

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Eh, eh, eh
I’m lonely!

Call all you want, but there’s no signal,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map and I ain’t go no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

Call all you want, but there’s no signal,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map and I ain’t go no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

My telephone, m-m-my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map,
And I ain’t got no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

My telephone, m-m-my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map,
And I ain’t got no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

We’re sorry the number you have reached is not in service at this time,
Please check the number,
Or try your call again.

THE SONG! SING A LONG IF YOU WISH!

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