Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Strong Man is Crabby

Perhaps it is the stage of the moon.  Maybe my Libra house is moving into the cortex of Venus (I have no idea what that means).  Maybe I should not have stopped taking my mega-dose of Cymbalta.  All I know is that I have been on edge lately.  My happy-go-lucky self has been bombarded with things that are getting on my nerves to the point of rage.  Well, rage is a strong word, I should say to the point of my making some really crabby faces and shaking my head disapprovingly. 

I thought that if I wrote down the stupid things that were on my nerves this week, it may make me feel better.  Maybe these things bother you as well.  To those you of you who read these and think, "Wait a minute, I do that," all I can say is, "Suck it. You're on my last nerve."

Things That Bother Me And/Or Things I Don't Understand And, Therefore, Get On My Nerves

  • The state law that requires restaurants to post signs in the bathroom stating that all employees must wash their hands before returning to work. 
(Not gonna work.)

Is this really necessary?  If you are the type of person who would normally not wash your hands after completing your business in the bathroom is a small sign posted by your boss going to change your mind?  I don't think so.  In fact, all it does for me, the customer, is remind me that (a) there are employees in this establishment who need reminding to wash up after finishing up and (b) there are rebel employees who have purposely not washed their hands BECAUSE of the sign.
  • People who say they are taking a break from Facebook.
(You really think Facebook will let you quit?)
I don't know why this grates on my nerves, but it does.  Maybe I am jealous, and a little paranoid, thinking this person is basically saying, "Hey, Losers, I am getting off here and going out into the real world and I am going to be so busy with my new life I won't have time to read your pathetic little statuses anymore."  I am not asking people to stay in touch if they don't want, but really, it is scientific fact that 95.6% of all Facebookers have the app on their mobile phone.  You can't check up on us any at all during your busy new life?  Hmph.  And don't get me started on the ones who say they are taking a break, then you see them right back on Facebook in a week.  Don't even get me started.
  • People who abide by the bathroom mantra "If it's yellow, let it mellow.  If it's brown, flush it down."    

OK, I almost puked just typing that.  What kind of person does this?  I am all for water conservation and living green, but I draw the line at my leaving human waste of any sort mellowing in the toilet bowl.  If your home bathroom smells like a Texaco station loo, then you are living wrong.  You just are.
  • People who have cosmetic surgery and either deny it or say there was a medical reason for it.   
(Cosmetic surgery? I have no idea what you are talking about.)
This is infuriating.  Celebrity examples:  Star Jones.  The woman obviously had some weight loss surgery but was adamant that she didn't.  Bristol Palin had her faced worked on, admitted it, but said it was medically necessary.  Whatever.  No one would argue that Star needed some of that fat surgically removed or that Bristol needed that butt-ugly face worked on, but come on ladies, admit it.  There is nothing wrong with saying that you didn't like something about yourself and had it fixed.  Trust me, if I can ever afford it, I will be sucked and plucked and tucked and will be letting everyone know about it.
  • Signs that say things such as "Welcome to our 'ool.  Notice there is no "P'' in it.  Please keep it that way."   

If there is someone reading this that has never peed in a pool, raise your hand.  To the person who just raised his hand, you are a liar.  Give it up people, there is chlorine in the stupid pool, plus isn't urine sterile or something like that?  (I realize I just cut my pool party invitations in at least half, but it had to be said)
  • People who either answer someone else's cell phone or who go through the contents of another person's cell phone.  
(Not your cell phone? Don't answer it!)

I hate, hate, hate calling a cell phone only to have someone completely different answer said phone.  Cell phones are individual items.  That is why there is one per person, no party lines, no sharing.  I am not calling your spouse or friend, I am calling you.  I don't like having to ask for the correct person to come to their cell phone.  Also, with all the apps and uses for smartphones today, the contents are very personal to the owner.  I don't want people grabbing my phone to see all my pics and apps.  Maybe I don't want anyone to know that I have apps such as Britney Spears 4-Ever or 1,001 Fart sounds or a GPS tracking system to locate Wynonna's every move.  It is no one's business but mine.
  • Couples who share a Facebook account.   
(Allowed to share a Facebook account.)
Words can't express how much I detest seeing JohnNMissy Johnson or Tim-And-Jim Smith on Facebook.  Good heavens.  Are you so co-dependent that you can't have your own set of online friends?  Plus, who are you talking to when they post things?  You never know.  It is too confusing, and it is stupid.  Stop it.  Note: the only time this is acceptable is with Siamese twins.
Whew!  I do feel better!  Getting that off my chest helped.  Anyone agree with these?  Anything on your nerves?  Go ahead and respond and get it off your chest!  Start your new week with a clean slate!

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