Telephone

OK, I am still in exile in Hyden, and the thing I dislike the most is the lack of a cell phone signal here in the mountains.  Apparently, Appalachia is smack dab in the middle of the 3% of Americans who are not covered by AT & T wireless.  As Mary Katherine Gallager might say, perhaps my feelings can best be expressed in song.  I have rewritten Lady Gaga's "Telephone" to better give you a feeling of my desperation.

First, here is the song itself.  Please play the song and and sing along using the new words below the YouTube box:



Hello, hello, baby you called? I can’t hear a thing,

I have got no service here in Hyden you see, you see,
Wha-wha-what did you say, huh? You’re breaking up on me,
Sorry, I wish I could hear you, I’m bored and lonely.

B-bored and lonely,
B-bored and lonely,
Sorry, I cannot hear you
‘Cause I am bored and loney.

You know how addicted I am to my phone, eh?
And I cannot text or call for days and days and days,
How was I to know Hyden ain’t served by ATT,
And now I can’t call and tell anybody.

Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.
Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.

Eh, eh eh, eh, eh, eh,
Eh, eh, eh
Telephone me!

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Eh, eh, eh
I’m lonely!

Eh, eh eh, eh, eh, eh,
Eh, eh, eh
Telephone me!

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Eh, eh, eh
I’m lonely!

Call all you want, but there’s no signal,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map and I ain’t go no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

Call all you want, but there’s no signal,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map and I ain’t go no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

The way I’m blowin’ up my phone,
Won’t make no signal faster,
Won’t make no tower faster,
Won’t give me 3G faster.

I should’ve gone with Appalach Cell,
‘Cause this is a disaster,
Callin’ like a collector,
Sorry, I cannot answer.

Not that I don’t like it here, I just live in Lex-y,
And I am sick and tired of my phone not r-r-inging,
Sometimes I wish that I lived in Grand Central Station,
‘Cause I would not miss a single text or conversation.

Text or conversation,
Text or conversation,
Cause I would not miss a single
Text or conversation.

Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.
Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.

Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.
Don’t stop callin’, stop callin’ don’t stop calling anymore,
I miss my calls, texts, apps and more.

Eh, eh eh, eh, eh, eh,
Eh, eh, eh
Telephone me!

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Eh, eh, eh
I’m lonely!

Eh, eh eh, eh, eh, eh,
Eh, eh, eh
Telephone me!

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh
Eh, eh, eh
I’m lonely!

Call all you want, but there’s no signal,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map and I ain’t go no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

Call all you want, but there’s no signal,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map and I ain’t go no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

My telephone, m-m-my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map,
And I ain’t got no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

My telephone, m-m-my telephone,
‘Cause I’m off the map,
And I ain’t got no app,
And you’re not gonna reach my telephone.

We’re sorry the number you have reached is not in service at this time,
Please check the number,
Or try your call again.

P.S. If anyone personally knows Lady Gaga, please don't tell her about this.  I would hate her to feel bad about my rewriting her song.

Here is the actual video if you are interested: