Saturday, May 29, 2010

Job Interviews and Car Covers

Sorry about the delay in posts, my friends. I have been fighting a losing battle with my allergies this week. I finally gave up and took to my bed, and that, along with a likely toxic cocktail of over-the-counter medications finally allowed me to rejoin the land of the living. Although I still look like I have been crying for days, I am able to function again. This past week was also a big week for my job search. I had an interview on Wednesday, and I think it went pretty well. I did discover, to my extreme dismay, that two months of sitting on my butt playing online bingo has not been very kind to my already out of control waistline. After receiving a call on Wednesday at 11:00 a.m. that I was needed for an interview at 4:00 p.m. the same day, I ran to my closet to prepare my outfit. That is when I discovered that I had no suits that fit me. I had no suits that even came close to fitting me. Not even the suit that I bought and labeled as my "fattest of all fat suits" came close to fitting. I, of course, immediately ran to the mall with my credit card, hoping that the sales clerk would not cut the card in pieces with scissors and throw it back in my face when I used it for the purchase. What I ended up buying was the largest suit that I have ever seen in my life. Seriously, it can also be used as a car cover. Thankfully, there was no time to muddle in self-loathing as I had to prepare myself for the interview, which was not easy. Now, if any of you have ever been unemployed in your adult life for an extended period of time, you may understand what a big project getting ready for an interview can be. If you have always maintained a job as an adult, then aren't you the responsible one and kudos to you, but trust me when I say that when you don't HAVE to get yourself together on a daily basis, you often don't. In my case, I have been going days without shaving and only showering semi-regularly. Keeping up with things like dying the gray out of my hair or keeping my dress shoes polished, pulleeeaasseee. I had a lot to do in a short time. I pulled it off, and arrived at the business office for my interview looking shiny and new. My car cover/blue business suit fit well enough with no alterations, my shoes were shiny, and my hair only had a few splotches of grey, which I thought would be a plus in this situation. My confidence level was high and I flashed my pearly whites and went inside to wow the interviewers into a hiring frenzy. As I settled into the conference room and began talking to the two men in charge, I lifted my arms up in some sort of arm gesture when I noticed that I had forgotten to take the tags off my the new suit/car cover. Not only did it have the cheap suit brand, but also, the cheap price, and the enormous size in dark letters on brilliant white paper that ran from my wrist halfway up my arm. When I noticed this, I only slightly gasped and immediately pulled my arm down under the table. The rest of the interview was spent with me forcing my right arm to not function at all. All of my gesturing was done with my left arm and hand. My right appendage was dead to me. It hung to my side tucked away, label facing the wall. I am not sure if the men noticed, but I think I saw them looking at the tags when they shook my hand good bye. I am sure they thought that the man who looked as if he had been crying all day and only had use of his left arm would be a great candidate. The good news, I suppose, is that I could just go ahead and return the suit since it still has all the tags on it. Having to buy this massive amount of fabric to cover me, I am considering some sort of weight-loss surgery, but I think I will keep the suit so I can prove to myself that I had left myself go to this horrible size. Plus, everyone can always use a nice wool-blend car cover.


  1. A car cover shields it against finish-destroying man-made and natural hazards

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